The Tragic Fate of the Comma

In honor of National Punctuation Day, September 24, Grammar Girl (maybe you have heard of her?) invited her listeners/readers to enter a Punctuation contest. The challenge:

"Send an ode to your favorite punctuation mark to punctuation@quickanddirtytips.com. The week of the 24th, we'll feature the best entries as the tip-of-day in this e-mail newsletter, and one entry may be chosen to be the Grammar Girl podcast on September 24. 100- to 200-word entries will be considered for the newsletter. 600- to 700-word entries will be considered for the podcast. Multiple entries are allowed, and "ode" is just a guideline. As long as the piece is about punctuation, it can take any form. Please do not send attachments. Paste your text or image into the body of the e-mail. I can't wait to read your entries!"

Here's mine. *coughs, clears throat*









The Tragic Fate of the Comma

No one knows where you belong,
And I wonder, dear Comma,
Do you?

Before the conjunction in a compound sentence,
After an introductory clause, phrase, or word,
With an appositive,
Between two or more coordinating adjectives,
To separate nonessential clauses, phrases, or words in the middle of a sentence,
In dates,
Before the conjunction in a list of three or more items,
Just to name a few.

But wait.
The last one’s got an exception.
And the others have big words.
What’s an appositive? A nonessential clause?
Who will take the time to remember them?
Who, besides the English teachers, will care?

Looked down upon as confusing and in the way, many will ignore you.
In our fast-paced world, you just slow us down, anyway.

Alas, Comma, you are doomed to spend your days at the feet of words,
Tragically misunderstood,
When all you want is rest for your reader,
A simple pause.

While your twin frolics around above,
Showing possession and even daring to take the place of letters,

We implore you, nay, we beg you to stay
For if you don’t, you shall become 
Dare I say it? 
An apostrophe.